Help me with fixing the outline first then Im willing to add another amount so I can get the essay

Help me with fixing the outline first then Im willing to add another amount so I can get the essay out the way.
No plaragrism
5 page essay not included the reference page all have to be in MLA format
Time Roman 12.


The teacher response was:
Your thesis should not be a question at this point, but the ANSWER to this question.
So go ahead and state why, after reading all the research, you think women and men still dont take sexual assault seriously.
That will be your thesis.
Be sure to watch the video on our home page that speaks about the thesis for the research paper.
So your first paragraph
needs a clearer topic sentence.
It also looks like all the evidence there connects to men being sexually abused by women–which is an idea I dont see reflected clearly enough in your topic sentence or thesis.
What do you want to say about this issue here?
Your evidence in body paragraph 2 looks interesting, but again your topic sentences arent clear enough.
What are you arguing re: sexual assault against men and women?
Your essays main points have to be clearer.
By paragraph 4, Im seeing that it looks like you are comparing and contrasting the effects of sexual assault against women and against men.
Are the effects the same? Different?
This is a fascinating topic to explore, Misha!
Its just not yet clear that that is indeed what youre doing here in the paper.
What did you learn as you compared sexual assault vs men and vs women?
IS it the same?
How is it different?
If this is what you wish to focus on, your thesis needs to better express what you learned and wish to share with us.
Overall, you need a clear thesis that fits the main point you end up making in the paper.
You need clearer topic sentences that make sense and that connect to the thesis idea.
And you want to make sure all your paragraph evidence fits the topic sentences.
Some pieces of evidence veer off.
This is an important and fascinating exploration.
I hope youre able to take my suggestions above and take this paper to the next level!!

 

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